letting go Intellectually Vs. Capital L Letting Go

Understanding the different textures of what it truly means to let go

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One thing I’ve learned is that there’s letting go and then there’s Capital L Letting Go

The first time I really internalized this lesson was my startup of all places.

I had read David Hawkins’ book “Letting Go'' and all of Michael Singer’s work and really thought I fully grasped the concept. Hawkins talked about how the process of letting go paradoxically gets us what we want citing examples of a doctor healing himself by letting go of his ailments. Michael Singer much more prominently focused on surrendering to the flow of life’s events.

I decided to implore both ideas for my troubles which were mostly related to my health when first encountering this idea. I would focus and feel into the physical discomfort and then actively “Let go.” And then as disturbances would arise across my life, I would acknowledge them and try to let them go in the moment.

I thought I was nailing it.

Then life kind of put me in my place and made me realize I was both selectively and intellectually letting go.

There was a period of time when I really wanted a certain outcome in my business. I was doing all the things I thought necessary to get the outcome I wanted while facing with my triggers and emotions as described here.

It seemed like every time we got close to the outcome happening something would go sideways. It was incredibly demoralizing and frustrating. Each time this happened, I would eventually try to let go of those feelings as best I could.

Then something happened in this pursuit that completely leveled me. It was the last straw that broke my persistent effort. I gave myself a day to pout about it, got on my knees, and declared out loud “Take it! Whatever you want to do here Universe, I am fine with it.”

This time I truly meant it. I was fed up and exhausted with all this toiling. I didn’t give a shit anymore what happened and was indifferent to the outcome.

I had actually Let Go. 

After my declaration, I felt an immense relief. It was as if the weight of the world had dropped off my shoulders. The next day the situation around my business started to shift in a more favorable direction and I eventually got the outcome I wanted shortly after that.

It was then that I realized what truly letting go actually meant. It meant complete surrender and trust with how life unfolds even if the outcome was in conflict with my perceived preferences.

To take this posture with a business you’d been working on intensely for over 5+ years was incredibly difficult. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without life bringing me to my knees.

letting go Vs. Capital L Letting Go

This experience made it really clear about the difference between letting go and Capital L Letting Go.

Oftentimes when we are just letting go, we aren’t fully aware of how we are holding on to something. This is how consciousness works. We are unaware of why we behave the way we do, until our awareness expands and we can see the programs and attachments that are quietly running our compulsions.

As you start to see this, you might learn about concepts like how surrendering can get you things or improve your situation. So you almost intellectually surrender in order to get something that you want. It is done as a means to an end vs. a true, deep entrustment of the divine.

This is a shallow version of letting go and more so a new strategy that the ego is running to control and/or pursue an attachment. It’s my observation that reality and circumstances are less likely to shift in this context. Despite your best efforts, you can’t trick the highest power. It knows the context of your letting go no matter how much you try to convince yourself and everyone around you otherwise.

Capital L Letting Go is when you are truly at peace and indifferent to an outcome. It is a deep expression of complete trust in the Divine. It does not mean you don’t exercise intent and right action, but you are deeply okay regardless of how life unfolds.

Let me paint two examples in the context of struggling with your health which is something I have dealt with a lot within this context.

letting go

You’re doing all the right things that every doctor, nutritionist, and healer is telling you to do, yet you continue to battle with your body performing as desired. You feel annoyed that your body isn’t responding despite your efforts. You’re familiar with letting go, so as these feelings come up, you catch yourself and let go of that frustration as best you can.

Accompanying the discomforts, the mind starts to wonder if something really bad is happening to you. You first try to get the thought out of your mind. Then that doesn’t seem to be working. You realize you will never win a firefight with thoughts despite what all the positive-thinking gurus say.

So then you start to try and see the thought as just a thought, letting it pass away for some immediate relief. You’re a bit concerned if the thought stays around that maybe it means you are accepting that fate. This results in this kind of dogmatic game of watching the thoughts that go. You keep doing this as it comes up and eventually remembers to feel the anxiety as it comes thinking that maybe that will make the thoughts go away.

There are lots of helpful things in this approach. I know because this is what I did for a long time. Eventually, you come to see that you are still fighting what is, mostly because you feel unsafe. The hard part is you often can’t see you are fighting…until you do.

Capital L Letting Go

You’ve been doing all the right things to feel better. As thoughts come up about what is going on with your body, you accept that you are scared. You accept that you are not able to do things that perhaps you once use to. You do this over and over again.

Although your intent and action are oriented at getting better, you entrust how the situation will unfold to the universe. If you are destined to feel this way for the rest of your time here, so be it. There is no fighting what is and anytime this is observed, the fight is met gently until it ceases - not in service of an outcome, but for the love and acceptance of your survival mechanism.

You are in a state of completely putting it in the hands of the divine.

My teacher likens this to preparing to die. This isn’t because it means the body will actually die, but rather the false self-construct that is trying to fight, control, and prevent is actually dying.

The Responsive Reality

Since the event with my business, life has orchestrated itself time and time again to show me where I am holding on in different parts of my life. What you realize is there are subtle depths of attachment that often go unseen. In many instances, I thought I was surrendered, but I was actually holding on in acute ways as described in the health example.

It’s like I have all these chips on the board that I was unknowingly clinging to and one by one life positioned me to become aware of each attachment before truly Capital L Letting Go.

When you genuinely orient your number one priority towards your complete and full awakening, I believe reality begins to orchestrate life in this way for greater depths of realization. I call this dynamic the responsive reality. Through the people and events we experience, life positions you for your evolution by showing you what attachments are left across all the different parts of life and layers until there’s nothing left.

And interestingly enough, it’s often after we fully Capital L Let Go that the thing we were seeking finally comes into being. David Hawkins talks about this concept of “psychic blocks” where when we are attached or wanting things citing how the attachment often blocks our ability to receive them. It’s the ultimate paradox, and these experiences finally transformed my intellectual understanding of this dynamic into an experiential knowing.

Obviously, there are a bunch of people that don’t live this way and seemingly get everything they are chasing. Maybe different rules apply to those whose highest aim is not full realization. I don’t really know. But it definitely seems that once the call has been answered to “finally get on with it” as Ram Dass says the rules of reality seem to shift.

If you are spiritually ambitious, when you realize what’s going on, you might feel compelled to go inventory everything that you’re holding on to without recognizing that this is the ego trying to get something or somewhere. This might do some good for a bit, but eventually this fear based drivenness and attachment to spiritual work will also need to be let go of. You’ll come to see that at a certain point this effort is unnecessary because life will orchestrate it all for you. You just need to increasingly be with what is and take your growth as it comes. 

This whole process might sound horrible to some people. It’s really painful at first because you don’t know why life is kicking you in the crotch until you eventually see what’s going on. You realize these inconveniences are gateways to understanding the attachments that stand in the way of more expansive ways of being. At first this understanding might inspire the thought of “What the F have I gotten myself into?”

This probably happens the first few times life strips away your attachments. Eventually you start to accept the process itself and see these experiences as happening for you.

Applying This To Our Experience

If you are a spiritual aspirant, you will likely encounter many ideas that speak to the power of letting go. It’s embedded in concepts from spiritual advancement to manifestation.

What I have learned is that there is no tricking the divine forces that orchestrate all of it. It knows when you’re just saying you’re letting go and when you earnestly mean it with every ounce of your being.

So what can we do with this?

Having an intellectual understanding of what Capital L Letting Go actually looks like and how life orchestrates events for our evolution is a great starting point. It creates meaning for all experiences both convenient and inconvenient.

The most helpful barometer in my experience as we walk this path has been to continue to be aware of life’s disturbances. This is where the signal is for whether we are letting go vs. Capital L Letting go.

You can take these triggers as opportunities to get really clear about what pattern or imprint is behind all that and what you are holding on to. This is the work and how you use life for further realization.

Once an attachment is identified, you need to accept that you’ve been holding on to it. I can’t stress this enough. A lot of people spiritually bypass this point of insight because they think it reflects poorly on them that they have an attachment. What’s bad is not owning what is and where you are in your evolution. Own it, feel it fully, and then you are in a position to increasingly let go.

I’ve found that with most things there are often depths of attachment. For example, you may think you may have let go of your attachment to money because you’re less worried and obsessed about it than you used to be. Then life brings up a big expense that makes you pissed and you realize there are more layers there. There is nothing to be upset about here. You are not failing spiritually because of the reaction. All this circumstance reveals is that there’s more there which must be examined. This is the process and once you accept the game you are in, you start to have more grace for yourself and the process. 

Many people confuse Capital L Letting Go with being complacent. This is a misinterpretation. I believe in pursuing that which makes us feel alive earnestly, but increasingly being okay with what unfolds. It’s when things don’t go our way that we must examine if we are attached and trying to control life. That is the real indicator. 

So there’s letting go…and then there’s Letting Go.

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