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Victimhood has been one of the biggest things I’ve had to work with over the past few years.
A few years ago I was talking to a friend about it, and he recommended an exercise that has been incredibly helpful.
Here it is…I call it writing a “for me list.”
Write out the circumstance or frustration that is bothering you.
Then list out everything that has happened in your life as a result of it. It’s important to include the challenging things, the neutral things, and the positive things.
Once you’ve made your list, highlight everything that’s been positive or neutral.
From here, reflect on how this particular event has beneficially shaped you. Use these insights to create a refined list of reasons why this challenging circumstance has happened for you.
Keep your for me list on a phone note that’s easily accessible and look at it daily for a few weeks. I found it helpful to attach this practice to an existing habit. For me, that was at the end of my morning meditation.
It can be tempting to treat reading your for me list like a checklist item to get through. This probably won’t help that much.
Instead, I recommend trying to slow down and really feel a sense of appreciation and gratitude for all the ways this circumstance has shaped you.
Keep doing this practice until you genuinely feel that your heart is open towards the circumstance.