The story of the last 3.5 years that changed the course of my life forever.
>I think the thing I must face most regularly is the reaction to the outside world on this shift. For so long, I was leading the pack in so many areas of my life that society puts on a pedestal. And now, my innate desires have taken me somewhere else. When most people around you are trying to become a somebody, and you’re trying to become an embodiment of love, the mirror to your patterns is strong if you stay planted in this space. I guess that’s the point.
I feel the judgment even if it's passive amongst people around me. It’s as if I was in a race and they feel like the horse just lost its wind and all the other horses have pulled ahead.
such a hard thing and resonate so much - key is to find the other nobodys!
Scott, one of my aya friends shared this piece with me. I could have written much of it myself, right down to the testing at NYU. 3.5 years as well, this all started in October, 2018. Thanks for sharing, it’s been an isolating and (at times) terrifying experience but I’m likewise emerging into a pretty incredible place on the other side.
Amen brother! I am glad that in our case we were able to connect and have the kinship of being on a similar path...one might even say, the pathless path ; )
Scott - Your vulnerability and insight is much appreciated. I think you would find some common ground with Loic Le Muer, who founded the 'Le Web' conference some years ago and has recently spent a lot of time in the Amazon and as coming at these topics in a similar light (Although Loic certainly stepped RIGHT out of the noise to pursue his awakening) : https://loiclemeur.substack.com/
Hey Scott - I just finished listening to the audio version of "In Love With the World" by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, - https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/41429805 - an esteemed Buddhist lineage holder who actually walked away from his monastic kingdom to live on the streets of India, confront attachment to his identity as a revered teacher, and directly work with his own inner impediments to full surrender to Reality. It's really helpful because in general the Buddhists have a long history of mapping, describing and making distinctions about these various altered states and conditions, which we have very little education about in the west. But clearly you have a teacher, so that's most important, and the groundedness and maturity you communicate in relationship to this experience is a service. Thanks for sharing about it and perhaps check out the book.
Great newsletter and an incredible journey! I can relate to the startup journey and the overachieving type-A tendency to turn everything from exercise and meditation into a tool for further productivity. My eye-opening moment came later after I'd burnt myself so hard and spent 25 days in silence.
In the Buddhist idea of Dependent Origination, before one can start on the path, one needs to have a certain amount of faith that it will lead to awakening and "there is more to this than chasing the same old money and fame." But in order to have the faith, you need to have a certain amount of suffering. This is sort of a prerequisite. When you've suffered enough, you've then reached a point where you look for alternatives.
Maybe that's something that people who are so focused on achievement/goals have in common (or, anyone really!); when those goals aren't bringing the satisfaction anymore, our mind/body/soul says I've had enough.
Thank you for sharing this, it deeply resonates. I am currently grateful for the spiritual awakenings I have experienced,
but now I am finding it hard to find the balance of consciousness expansion while
maintaining performance for “societal success” and to be honest vice versa as well. I truly appreciate this reminder of surrendering the control, and love the simple practice you’ve shared of letting go. This message was right on time, so glad I decide to click.
> Under the veil of this race, the horse has decided to play a different game.
Truly, a meaningful update— well told!
Your lifelong learner updates have been missed. Now, very glad to know why.
Appreciate you! 👊😎
Thanks for sharing. I can see a lot of parallels, and it's reassuring to know others are going to this process.
I look forward to hearing more about what you discover about yourself in coming posts.
You beamed me up, Scotty! :)
Thanks for sharing all your sharings about your personal transformation. Just discovered your blog quite by synchronicity.
As you are now in the process of becoming a Nobody, I think I know Who that is – as I am becoming Nobody as well. (And, we should remind ourselves, Odysseus long preceded us in this Hero’s Journey, in his encounter with the cyclopes… And, by the way, may they have been symbolic for awakened giants with their third [or first] eye activated?).
If interested, you (or I) can read about it in my (our) new blog here: https://thedolphinwhisperer.substack.com/p/hey-you
Great piece. I can totally relate. I started experiencing the same thing a few years ago. In my case, I knew what it was as I am an energy practitioner. There is great power in dropping into innocence and becoming nothing. Definitely a journey.
Scott -- I appreciate your lucid writing on the subject of your own awakening. I've definitely gone through a transformation these past several years -- realizing that I was unhappy, selling my business, realizing that I was disconnected & unhealthy, a major—and intertwined—awakening of my intuition and athleticism, radically changing my relationship with alcohol, creativity re-awakening, 'remembering' that I am here to write, and now doing that... and still, I know & can tell there remains a surface to be pierced. I've given it a shot a couple of times, but I haven't yet dedicated myself to a meditation practice, and I would like to. I've learned Vedic meditation, seems simple, just gotta stick to it... that said, what is the method that you practice? Insight meditation? and can you recommend a good starting point to learn the method? I've tried Sam Harris' app, and, I love what he's doing but I don't really feel that guided meditation is that effective for me...
Thanks for sharing Scott. Particularly love the bit on not running away from your life. I've observed many who have had a transformative experience begin to think there's an "out there" somewhere. And so they keep chasing and seeking - myself very much included at times. What I continue to learn is that life's full experience, including the emotions our stories might want us to suppress or resist, happen right here on good ol' earth. Even the medicine is right here on earth! We get a chance everyday, in our daily lives, to have and complete full experiences and feel all of it. And the less I suppress, the more space I create to experience all of it. I assert that what I'm meant to learn is right here in my everyday life. It IS life. Why I'm here, so to speak.
My friend Roland (https://rolandachenjang.com/) was the first person I've talked to who had a kundalini awakening; you are the second.
I read this article and the seven-parts series on your personal experience. Thank you a lot for sharing your experience. It resonates greatly with me as I have been going through a similar experience. I was shocked of similarities such as body shaking which freaked me out for so long, and coming from a startup experience where I thought I was in Courage or Willingness on Hawkins’ level of conciseness but was in Anger.
Reading your journey gave me a huge comfort in my own path. It helps me to trust the journey more. It also highlights some of the points that I still need to overcome. Thank you again, and wishing a life filled with peace and joy.