Reflections - 2024, How You Ask, and Soul Attractors
Some updates, realizations, and things to ponder
If you like my writing, feel free to click the ❤️ or 🔄 button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏
I’ve been wanting to get back to writing more intimate posts, beyond sharing podcasts.
I’m experimenting with this format that integrates recent learnings, realizations, and things I’m thinking about that might be useful to others. Let me know what you think.
2024 Lookback
I recently did the Downshift annual review process. It was fantastic and definitely the most comprehensive type of this exercise I’ve done over the years.
There was a tremendous amount of growth in 2024. The biggest shifts have been more opening of the heart. I mainly attribute this to the practice of observing the consciousness patterns that close it, and transforming them to be aligned with an open-hearted state. You can think of this like working to create the conditions for the heart to naturally stay open. There also seemed to be a distinct opening event during a 9 day RenXue retreat.
To an outsider, my external world prob doesn’t look all that different from when the year started. I had some nice wins including hosting my first retreat, the podcast growing over 800%, and my new business making its first dollar before year end. The last one is a huge milestone and an excellent way to finish the year. I’m excited for a bigger launch of this likely in late Q1.
Some intentions that did not get met last year were finishing and launching my book, settling on where we want to live long-term, and aligning with a business-y mentor who's ahead of me in where I see my career going.
Though there wouldn’t appear any big change in my life, reality does seem to be subtly shifting in accordance with the inner shifts. I feel like I am starting to step more deeply into my co-creative capacity. Things are starting to fall into place easier and I’m excited for where this all leads in the year ahead.
Writing a book has been a crucible of growth that has forced me to confront many unconscious patterns and wounds. I finished multiple drafts, but the feedback from beta readers left me feeling that it just wasn’t quite there yet.
I always thought the book’s purpose was to serve people who are where I once was. I still think it will fufill this, however, it became clear to me that a more primary purpose was providing a vehicle for my own awareness and transformation. I can see how these things are intimately related. The creative process provides opportunities for purification. The purification creates better work. This synergistic cycle seems evident with all creative processes.
I met two special people who I believe will help me on my consciousness journey in the past year. I feel quite supported with spiritual teachers and mentors right now.
I’ve been chanting daily for 2 months using the Siddha practice/process since my episode with Maryn. It’s been amazing. I feel more space in my system, channels opening, and more freedom of expression. The essence of the practice is using the voice to purify the chakras.
I’m trying veganism. I’ve never had an issue with meat, but recently noticed that I started to feel really lethargic every time I consumed it. I’d want to just lay down and do nothing after. It became unappetizing. Interestingly, this shift seemed to coincide with my conversation with Jasmuheen. She was a very powerful being. I’m wondering if there was some kind of transmission that happened there or maybe my consciousness is directing the body this way after she discussed veganism. I don’t know, but I’m a week in and feel pretty good so far.
Realization and Reminders
Be careful HOW you ask for things. A few weeks ago a voice entered my awareness and asked very clearly what do you want? I don’t do much manifestation stuff and thought this was curious. I experimented by asking for a certain type of car I’ve always wanted. Three days later, I got in an accident that totaled my car. I called my wife and she suggested that we buy the car I wanted without us discussing it. Because it was a big SUV, most of it could be expensed on her business. Now we own the car that I asked for. Next time I ask for something from the universe, I will ask for it to come in a gentle way!
Changing behaviors doesn’t do much in the long run unless the underlying information in your consciousness changes. My annual review was somewhat meta this year in that I found myself reflecting on all the past introspection over the years. I could see how certain themes persisted despite all my strategizing and rearranging. It’s like each year I’d get all amped up with plans, and then my life would look the same, not because I wasn’t applying myself, but rather because the substrate of perception and actions did not change.
I needed to be reclusive to learn to love myself unconditionally. Something I haven’t talked about much is the level of loneliness I've felt throughout my life. It’s kind of always been there, but disguised by lots of filling my life with activity and posturing. Loneliness has come in many flavors, but the consistent thread has mainly been a sense of “I don’t really in fit here.” This has been more prominent in the past 3 years, than it’s been my entire life. I think this is because a) I’m actually looking inward first and b) life has positioned me to experience this. Loving yourself is easy when everything is going your way and you’re constantly surrounded by activities and people. Try loving yourself when you’re just with you. I’ve realized some isolation was required for me to learn love myself unconditionally. For my personal situation, I don’t see another way I would have been able to make as much progress here.
Writer’s block is a consciousness thing. I realized that slow writing and creative stalls are mostly related to a lack of trust. Similar to how we censor and edit ourselves conversationally, we do the same thing in the creative process when we come at it with a pattern of trying to get it right. This is just a strategy to avoid the fear of something. I can see this clearly now and this awareness has helped me be more authentic and fluid in my creative process.
Musings
Life seems to be set and dynamically responsive to a soul attractor. I used to think life was conspiring for everyone’s consciousness evolution in a big way. I think this broad trendline is true over the continuum of many lifetimes, but the trendline definitely seems to have wide variation. Have you noticed some people’s life seems to be constantly positioning them for growth and other people just seem to cruise through it in ignorance? One explanation that could accommodate for the disparity is that our higher self/soul creates a plan for what we want to do and learn in this lifetime. Some lives may be very evolution oriented, while others might just want to have an easy go at it with lots of fun. This is one of many reasons why comparing yourself to others is a fool’s errand. You have no idea what this higher order orchestrating factor is. I guess a more refined perspective is that the organizing attractor of your life is the intention your soul sets for it, of which your consciousness evolution can be the primary aspect of.
Sequencing is usually overlooked on the spiritual path. I’ve noticed with many aspects of spiritual development and practice that I once viewed as either/or, it’s really just more a function of sequencing. Examples include purity of the ego, before stepping into your power, eliminating codependency before accommodating others with an open heart, and surrendering to the moment before taking conscious action. There are so many confusion points where it’s less about one or the other, but which aspect to lean into based on where you’re at. This is where a teacher can be quite helpful.
Space and time in the healing process. One of the teachers I admire discussed how tracing a pattern back to its imprinting event amplifies the healing effect. In fact, she goes so far as to say that the pattern is likely to persist unless you meet the emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that developed during the initial experience. I know not everyone agrees with this, but a recent conversation got me thinking — if the past, present, and future is all happening at once, does applying transformation methods at the imprinting moment using your consciousness really mean you are actually healing that moment across space and time? A.K.A. talking to your inner child works, because you’re actually traversing an illusory time-scape, which makes the effect cascade forward and backward. I don’t know. But it’s an interesting idea.
Let me know if you like this format. I was thinking of writing it every 1-2 months as a way to share more intimate things.
Much love and happy new year,
-Scott
If you like my writing, feel free to click the ❤️ or 🔄 button on this post so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏
Appreciate the honesty - and do look forward to updates every couple of months. Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful. Insightful. Thank you for the deeper dive into the personal, it resonated.